Simon Cowell reached the lowest point in his life after his parents’ death – his dad, Eric, in 1999 and his mum, Julie, in 2015. 

In fact, the 64-year-old television personality lost his will to live, admitting in a recent episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast that he was experiencing suicidal ideation – a condition where one isn’t actively suicidal but has thoughts of dying.

“The whole time was dark,” Cowell recalled, adding that he can “absolutely relate to when people reach the lowest levels you possibly can, where essentially being alive doesn’t matter anymore, because you just go, ‘Well, what have I got to live for?’” 

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The X Factor creator further explained, “Not thinking I want to take my own life, but thinking if something terrible happened it wouldn’t bother me, to myself.” 

Fortunately, though, he found his saving grace in his son. 

Recalling the moment he found out his fiancée, Lauren Silverman, was pregnant, Cowell shared, “It changed everything in my life. It made me happy again.”